Your big day is on the horizon and you couldn’t be more excited to tie the knot. Perhaps you’ve already imagined what it will be like to stand in front of all your loved ones, in your stunning outfit, saying “I do” to your person.
Exchanging vows is perhaps the most important part of the ceremony. It’s when you’ll lay out the promises and commitments you will make to each other, that you’ll uphold for the rest of your lives.
To truly personalise that moment, many couples choose to write their own vows. Yet actually putting pen to paper can be tough. You might feel pressure to do the moment justice; to perfectly capture and communicate your love for each other.
Don’t worry: we’re here to help. Here’s our guide to writing your own wedding vows.
Contents
Do you have to write vows for your wedding?
What should I write in my wedding vows?
Wedding vow writing tips
Can you write your own vows for a Catholic wedding?
Wedding vow ideas and examples
Do you have to write vows for your wedding?
In a word: no. For your marriage to be legally recognised, there’s a requirement for you to say certain words. These parts are pre-written, though you might be able to choose between simpler or more modern versions. You don’t have to add anything else if you don’t want to.
First, you’ll have to make a marriage declaration (declaring that you are lawfully free to marry) and then say the contracting marriage vows. That’s the bit that goes something like: “I [name] take thee [partner’s name] to be my wedded wife/husband.” Check in with your registrar or local council to find out more.
After that, you can choose to add in your own personal vows. You might write these yourself or choose from pre-written options. Because these bits aren’t part of the legal declaration, there’s no specific things you have to say. However, bear in mind that your registrar may need to pre-approve your vows before the big day.
The rules may be slightly different for religious weddings, though. It’s always best to check well ahead of time what’s required.
What should I write in my wedding vows?
Traditionally, wedding vows follow a particular structure. But there’s no set rules here, so you should go for a format that feels comfortable for you.
Essentially, your wedding vows are a set of promises. And you should try to write these from the heart.
A simple, standard format for wedding vows might be:
- Addressing your partner, sharing what they mean to you
- Sharing an anecdote or special memories. This paints a picture of the relationship and how special it is: how unique and deep your bond is
- The promises
Wedding vow writing tips
1. Get your ideas out
We suggest starting by brainstorming a bunch of ideas. Here’s some prompts to get you started:
- What do you love and admire about your partner?
- What do they mean to you?
- What are the little quirks that make them unique?
- What are some standout, special moments you’ve shared?
- Are there any memories that make you think: “Yep, that’s us to a tee!”
- How do you complement each other?
- How do you make each other better?
- What sort of partner do you promise to be?
- What sort of future do you want to have together?
2. Refine
Go through everything you’ve written down and start to decide which ideas you might use. Are there certain ideas that you have a stronger emotional response to, or that communicate something important about your relationship?
Think about the tone of your vows here as well. If you’re going for something more lighthearted, certain ideas may make more sense than others.
3. Take the pressure off
No-one is expecting you to write poetry or put together a perfect piece of prose. These vows should be true to you—and they should sound like you.
It might be helpful to write them out in conversational language first, without any pressure. Just write how you’d naturally speak. Writing the first draft can often feel like the scariest step, but it needn’t be. Remember that no-one is going to see your draft. Once you have something on the page (anything!) it’s much easier to edit and refine.
4. Inside jokes
While your vows will be read in front of all your loved ones, they’re really meant for an audience of one. Adding in an inside joke is a sweet and personal nod to that—which your wedding guests will no doubt enjoy witnessing.
5. Give yourself plenty of time
Even if you’re nervous to sit down and write your vows, try not to put it off. You want to be in a good (read: not stressed) headspace when you write them.
Writing them months in advance can also help take the pressure off, giving you loads of time to sit with your words and come up with something you love.
6. A few minutes is enough
Your vows don’t have to be super long (nor should they). Usually, they’re just a few minutes long, which might amount to around 200ish words. Hopefully this helps make the task feel more manageable!
7. Don’t be afraid to be vulnerable
Don’t be scared to open up and share your feelings—that’s what makes personal vows so beautiful! Speak from the heart and don’t be afraid to cry. This is a moment that you’ll remember forever, where you’re given the chance to tell your person what they mean to you. Be honest and embrace it.
8. Practice makes perfect
Read out your vows as you’re writing and editing them, and again once you’ve landed on the final copy. This will help you get a feel for how the vows flow—and it’ll also help you deal with nerves on the day.
Can you write your own vows for a Catholic wedding?
The rules are a little different in this case. In the Catholic Church, marriage is a sacrament, meaning that it’s a sacred and important ritual. There are pre-written vows (the church calls the exchange of these vows “consent”) that you have to say, though you may be offered a choice between different versions of the text.
There’s usually not an option for couples to add their own vows to the end. The idea here is that by using the same words as everyone else, the couple is acknowledging that they are part of something larger than themselves. And because marriage is considered a sacred act, it’s the church that provides the words.
Though you can always ask your priest. Who knows, they might say yes! If they don’t and you want to add in some personal promises and commitments, you could always share them during your reception.
Wedding vow ideas and examples
But what do wedding vows actually look like in practice? Here’s a few examples to help get you inspired.
Song lyrics
If music is important to you—or if there’s a particular song that captures perfectly how you feel—why not weave the lyrics into your vows? Here’s some of our favourites.
Ed Sheeran – Perfect
When you said you looked a mess, I whispered underneath my breath
But you heard it, “Darling, you look perfect tonight”
Lover – Taylor Swift
My heart’s been borrowed and yours has been blue. All’s well that ends well to end up with you. Swear to be overdramatic and true to my lover. And you’ll save all your dirtiest jokes for me. And at every table, I’ll save you a seat, lover
Make you feel my love – Bob Dylan
The winds of change are blowing wild and free, you ain’t see nothing like me yet. I could make you happy, make your dreams come true, nothing that I wouldn’t do
All of my – John Legend
‘Cause all of me, loves all of you. Love your curves and all your edges, all your imperfections. Give your all to me, I’ll give my all to you. You’re my end and my beginning, even when I lose I’m winning
You’re my best friend – Queen
Oh, you’re the best friend that I ever had
I’ve been with you such a long time
You’re my sunshine and I want you to know
That my feelings are true
I really love you
Oh, you’re my best friend
Quotes and poems
Similarly, you could include quotes or lines from poems that are meaningful to you. Remember that you can also have readings throughout the day—so if you do want to reference a longer work, just pull out a line or so for your vows.
Everything I know about love – Dolly Alderton
Love is a quiet, reassuring, relaxing, pottering, pedantic, harmonious hum of a thing; something you can easily forget is there, even though its palms are outstretched beneath you in case you fall
Touched by an angel – Maya Angelou
Love arrives
and in its train come ecstasies
old memories of pleasure
ancient histories of pain
Sonnett 116 – William Shakespeare
Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks/But bears it out even to the edge of doom
The Bridge Across Forever – Richard Bach
Our soul mate is someone who shares our deepest longings,
our sense of direction.
When we’re two balloons, and together our direction is up
Wuthering Heights – Emily Brontë
Whatever our souls are made of, his and mine are the same
Funny and quirky vows
If a lighter touch is more your style, you could work in some gentle humour. But remember that this shouldn’t really be the main focus of your vows, so try to balance the jokes with the earnest bits about building a life together.
Example
I promise to love and care for you, until you run out of Netflix series to watch and when your favourite cafe is closed on a Sunday morning (rude). I’ll be there to politely nod as you tell me every detail of your day, even asking thoughtful questions from time to time.
Example
I promise to support and be there for you, on the bright days and the dull ones. I’ll allow you to have primary control of the TV remote for one business year after today. I’ll buy you takeaways when you’re tired and share my blanket, even when I’d prefer not to.
Example
I’ll give you space when you need it, except when we’re running late. I’ll try to make you laugh, even though I know you’re funnier than me. I’ll always be waiting with a broom and dustpan, for when you inevitably knock something over and break it.
Simple and timeless vows
Finally, here’s some classic examples of wedding vows. They’re simple but heartfelt.
Example
I knew you were the one for me when I realised how much better you make me. You inspire me to try harder, try new things and to live in the moment more. You look at the world through rose-tinted glasses and it’s infectious. I promise to go on adventures with you, and to always try to see the glass as half full.
Example
You’ve been there for me without question, without hesitation, like it’s the most natural thing in the world. I promise to love you unconditionally and with enthusiasm, forever. I promise to show up for you, even when it’s hard. I’ll always be your number one fan.
Example
I was drawn to you instantly: you were warm and funny, and I felt at home right away. I still feel that way, and I feel so lucky that I get to keep feeling that way forever. I promise to always feel like home to you. I’ll be there to comfort you, to support you, to remind you that you’re loved.
Your wedding venue
Exchanging vows with your person is one of the most important moments of your life. And you want to do so in a wedding venue that truly makes the day feel magical.
Kindred is a much-loved, West London wedding venue right in the heart of Hammersmith. We’re known for our unique interiors, which blend heritage and modern styles. Our spaces are warm and elegant, with a creative touch.
We have a variety of different spaces across all three floors of our building to suit all sorts of celebrations, from intimate weddings to late-night revelry. We also have a well-stocked private bar on each floor plus Cellar, our on-site Hammersmith restaurant. With a chef-crafted menu and expertly-mixed drinks, we’ll make sure your guests feel well cared for.
Take a look through our wedding brochure to learn more or have a virtual tour of our building. If you’d like to come and visit us in person, get in touch with our team to arrange it. We’d be delighted to meet you and bring your dream wedding to life.
