In our age of modern and non-traditional weddings, it can be difficult to know what—and whether—to gift the happy couple. Are registries still in? Is it gauche to give cash? And what about if they’ve said that gifts are optional?
These days, there’s no rulebook around wedding gift giving, so the answers to those questions can differ depending on the situation. Still, there is some basic etiquette and advice to look to. We’ve broken it down for you below.
Contents
Can you give cash as a gift?
How much money should I give as a wedding gift?
Etiquette in other cultures
How much should I give at a wedding shower?
How much should I give for a friend’s wedding?
Do you give a gift for a destination wedding?
How do I give cash as a wedding gift?
Can I give a group gift?
What if they asked for no gift?
Should I give a gift as an evening guest?
How long do you have to give a wedding gift?
Do bridesmaids give wedding gifts?
Do groomsmen give wedding gifts?
When do you give the wedding gift?
Can you give cash as a gift?
First things first: is it okay to give cash as a gift? Generally speaking, yes. While some couples may still choose to have a registry, many others prefer receiving funds they could put towards something important—like their honeymoon. In fact, for couples who do have a registry, there’s often an option to contribute to a honeymoon fund instead.
Traditionally, newlywed couples would receive gifts that would help them start their lives together (think kitchenware or linen). Registries were introduced in 1924, so that couples would avoid receiving gifts they didn’t want or need—like five sets of the same silverware.
But today, most couples already have the basic goods required: pots, pans, cutlery, wine glasses—the works. And often, they’ve already started their lives together. So, a cash contribution may be more appreciated.
How much money should I give as a wedding gift?
Okay, but how much money should you give as a wedding guest? Here, the answer is “it depends”.
There’s no hard-and-fast rules here. Though to give you an idea: according to a survey by Hitched, over half of couples surveyed said between £50-100 is appropriate.
However, if you’re closer to the couple or are in the wedding party, you may choose to give more. Emily Clarke, a City & Guilds certified etiquette trainer, told Hitched that “close friends and relatives may give anything from £100, but anything over £75 is considered generous.”
Above all, you should only give what you’re comfortable with. For instance, if you’re going to a destination wedding and paying for flights and accommodation to attend, your finances might not easily stretch to also cover a £100+ gift. There is a general understanding that in these circumstances, smaller or no gifts are absolutely fine. We’ve covered destination weddings in a bit more detail below.
Another rule of thumb is that if you’re an evening guest, you can generally give a bit less. Something like £25-50 per person may be appropriate.
You should never feel pressured to give more or a particular amount: weddings are supposed to be celebrations and gifts are meant to be given with kindness. They should be received in the same way.
Etiquette in other cultures
All of the information and advice in this article so far has been given in relation to typical Western culture, and the expectations and norms we have around weddings. However, things may differ for couples of different cultures.
For example, at Nigerian weddings, the happy couple will partake in a “money dance”, where they share a dance as their guests literally shower them with money. It symbolises good fortune, joy and support for the newlyweds. Guests will usually also give envelopes full of cash or a cheque.
In China and Japan, giving money as a gift is super common. In China, the most traditional gift is to put money into a red envelope (called hongbao), which symbolises prosperity and good fortune.
If you’re attending a wedding where the couple’s culture is different to your own, do some research around what is expected or, better yet, ask them. Make sure you’re being tactful and respectful here. For example: “I’ve never attended a [culture] wedding before so I wanted to check if there’s any traditions I should know about?”.
How much should I give at a wedding shower?
Traditionally, a bridal shower is where the couple receives gifts from their registry. Fun fact: it dates back to the 16th century, where brides were “showered” with gifts by their loved ones. The gifts, which were meant to help the couple set up their lives together, were an alternative to a dowry.
Bridal showers aren’t as common in the UK these days, but they’re also not totally unheard of. Modern versions tend to centre around games and activities rather than gift-giving; some people throw them in place of a hen do.
So, if you are attending a bridal shower, it’s not necessarily expected that you’ll bring a gift (a wedding gift is usually enough). You could check with the maid of honour to be sure. If you did want to give something as a thoughtful gesture, it would usually be smaller in size than a wedding gift: think maybe £25-50 per person (or an actual gift to that value, of course).
In some cases, for instance if you’re in the bridal party, you might have already contributed costs towards the event. So you typically then wouldn’t be expected to spend more money on a gift.
How much should I give for a friend’s wedding?
This depends on how close you are to your friend, what you’re comfortable giving, and whether you’ve been invited to the ceremony or the evening party. If the latter, it’s fine to give a little less, if anything (perhaps around the £25-50 mark).
But if you’re attending the entire day, you might give £50-100. If you’re bringing a plus one, you might decide to give a little bit more, though there’s no specific etiquette here. Give what feels right to you.
Do you give a gift for a destination wedding?
Most of the time, the happy couple are aware that their guests have spent time and money to attend their destination wedding—potentially taking time off work and organising childcare. Because they’re grateful that you’ve put in so much effort to celebrate with them, they may say that gifts aren’t necessary.
But if that isn’t the case—or you simply want to get them something—it should be fine to spend a little less on the gift. Again, how much you give will hinge on how close you are to the couple and how expensive it’s been to attend the event.
How do I give cash as a wedding gift?
There’s no set rules here, but there are a few routes you could go down. One is to simply transfer the funds ahead of time and give a card on the day. This is usually best when the couple have provided a link for a cash fund. For instance, for contributions to their honeymoon.
Otherwise, you could also put the cash in an envelope, alongside a card. You can bring the card along to the wedding reception and put it on a gift table. If there isn’t one, ask a member of the wedding party where it would be best to leave it.
Can I give a group gift?
Absolutely. This can be a great choice if you’re part of a group or friends who are all attending or perhaps members of the same family: you can all pool in together and get the happy couple a higher-ticket item. If you’re in the bridal party or a groomsman and have already spent quite a bit on your travel, outfit, etc., this can be a particularly helpful option.
And remember that you don’t have to give money. You could all band together to get the couple a truly lovely gift, or a voucher for an experience. To give an example: a meal voucher for a really nice restaurant they’ve been dying to go to. Or a chef’s table experience—or whatever else you think they’ll love.
What if they asked for no gift?
We’re seeing this become more common: wedding invites that say no gifts are necessary. Some invites may expressly say, “no gifts”, and in which case it’s probably best to do as the couple wishes. Though sometimes, there will be an option to donate to a charity of their choice instead.
However, it’s not always so clear-cut. For instance, your invite might say something like: “Your presence at our wedding is already a gift. But should you wish to honour us with a gift…” What should you do in this instance; should you give them a gift or not?
Here, the couple are giving people the chance to do what they’re comfortable with. Some older family members or guests might feel uncomfortable not giving a gift, for instance. Or if you’re particularly close with the couple, you may feel that you want to give something to mark the occasion. But they are also making it clear that there’s no expectation for a gift—so if you don’t give one, it won’t be taken as rudeness.
Should I give a gift as an evening guest?
Things are a little more relaxed for evening guests. Gifts are often not expected, but if you like, you can give something small as a token of appreciation. For instance, a nice bottle of wine or a donation to a charity that’s important to them, in their name. But usually, a card is absolutely fine.
How long do you have to give a wedding gift?
According to tradition, you’ve got up to one year after the big day to give the newlyweds your wedding gift. But generally, the sooner afterwards you can give it, the better.
Most people are quite understanding so if there’s a reason why you have to give your gift late, don’t feel guilty. The couple will likely be touched at the effort you’ve put in to getting them something at all.
Do bridesmaids give wedding gifts?
Although bridesmaids will have typically already invested quite a bit into the wedding—dresses, hair, hen parties, etc—the custom is usually that they’ll also give a gift.
So, how much should you give? Again, it depends on the circumstance. If you’ve paid to travel to a destination hen do and wedding, it would probably be completely fine for you to give something a bit smaller. Some other options here are to go in on a joint gift with other members of the bridal party or to give something that’s sentimental and heartfelt, but not necessarily a big expense.
Do groomsmen give wedding gifts?
As with bridesmaids, groomsmen will also usually give a wedding gift. And again, it’s fine for the size of your gift to be influenced by how much you’ve already spent on the occasion. If you’ve already put in a lot towards the event, it’s usually okay to give a thoughtful yet modest gift. You might even decide to go in with the other groomsmen to give the couple something extra special.
When do you give the wedding gift?
You’ve got a few options here. Some people choose to give the gift before the wedding, so as to save the couple the hassle of dealing with it during the event. However, most of the time, people will bring their gifts to the ceremony and leave them in a designated gift area.
It’s also okay to give your gift after the wedding itself. Ideally, you want to do this as close to the date of the event as possible, but the couple will appreciate you no matter when you pass on your gift.
Your wedding venue
Now imagine your table of gifts sitting within a heritage venue that’s been designed with a modern touch.
That’s Kindred, a Grade-II Listed West London wedding venue nestled in the heart of Hammersmith. Our unique interiors are creative and sophisticated with a warm, old-world feel.
We would be delighted to bring your dream wedding to life. Cellar, our Hammersmith restaurant and bar, sits on the bottom floor of our building—so your guests can enjoy food crafted with a chef’s finesse. There’s also a well-stocked private bar on each of our floors.
Whether you’re looking to host a more intimate ceremony or larger party, we have spaces to suit. You could treat your guests to a private dinner in our atmospheric Library, or have them enjoy late-night revelry in our spacious Hall, for instance.
Take a look at our wedding brochure or have a virtual tour of our building to get a feel for our spaces. If you prefer to see it for yourself, get in touch with our friendly team to arrange a complimentary tour.
